By Lynn Newman
“Here’s a little song I wrote. You might want to sing it note for note. Don’t worry, be happy.” ~Bobby McFerrin
I was one of those people that when asked what they want in life, would say, “I just want to
be happy…”
In my past, I suffered from debilitating depression. There was a
period when getting the dry-cleaning and buying toilet paper was
difficult enough.
So, I made it my mission to study what happy people do to stay happy,
then I started doing what they were doing. And my happiness increased
until I became one of those people I used to be envious of.
Here’s a list I use now on a daily basis as a reminder to increase my happiness:
1. Give yourself permission.
Permission to be who you are; permission to laugh big, to cry when
you need to, to fail brilliantly, to make stuff; permission to
fall apart, breakdown,
and get back up again; permission to be different and unique all onto
your own; permission to go too far and reach your dreams.
2. Don’t take yourself so seriously.
Hold yourself with a “light hand.” Laugh at your foibles with amusement.
When things get tough or stress arises, lift your shoulders with an
“oh well…” Know that it’s never as big or life devastating as your mind
thinks.
Happy people trust that whatever glitch happens will work itself out.
They give a “Ha! Ha!” and a “So what? Who cares? Big Deal! Why not?” when met with resistances.
3. Don’t self-ruminate.
I remember a friend of mine from Mississippi saying, “Lynn, when are
you gonna’ stop starin’ at your own belly button…?” (Insert: Southern
drawl.)
I learned happy people don’t fixate on themselves and their problems. They don’t over-analyze the issue du jour.
When they start to get stuck on a problem or in their head, they put their attention on something else.
I remind myself to not have to have it all figured out: Get outside. Go back to your work. Plan something fun.
4. Don’t compare.
Comparison has been compared to a little death. When we
compare ourselves to others, we harm ourselves.
Happy people know that they’re no better or less than another person.
Someone will always be at a “more evolved place” and someone will
always be “less-evolved.”
Note to self: Be concerned with only how to do your best and that’s all.
5. Make adjustments.
When something isn’t going your way, when your mood dips, or when you
feel “off,” stay curious and self-aware. Fine-tune the energy in your
body by making adjustments.
If you eat something that makes you feel poor, why eat it? Pay
attention if that glass of wine the night before makes you feel crappy
in the morning or that slice of pizza made you bloated or that ice cream
caused you to crash, losing your focus and energy.
When you’re feeling stuck or heavy, take a walk, do something different than your normal routine, meet up with a friend.
If feeling anxious or stressed, tune-up with extra sleep, meditation/yoga or a hot bath…
6. Be of service and know how to take care of yourself.
Happy people want to give back. They have plenty to share. They
volunteer, take time out to help a friend, offer to connect people to
others for their betterment, and aren’t in need of getting anything
back.
Commit to service but also stay aware of how to take care of
yourself. When your energy gets depleted, remember to not give away to
the point that you lose focus on your own
emotional/mental/physical/spiritual health.
Have loving boundaries to
care for yourself so that you have
more to give.
7. Choose uplifting friendships.
When we have friendships and conversations that are uplifting,
supportive, and loving, with people interested in our betterment, we are
on a faster track to our own enlightenment.
If you hang out with someone and don’t feel great afterward, see less of that person and seek out other friendships.
Know which friends increase your happiness and nurture those relationships.
8. Be less interested in being happy and more interested in your peace of mind.
I used to think happiness was about being totally ecstatic. In order
to balance out my feelings of hopelessness and depression, it seemed
natural that my goal would be to be maximally blissed.
But with all the highs there’s a low—we eventually come down from it.
Remember not to get attached to the highs and focus more on experiencing peaceful aliveness.
When your life is at peace, there’s a relaxed balance; and the chances of sustained happiness and contentment increases.
9. Use your senses.
As they say, the ordinary is extraordinary.
Happy people receive pleasure from enjoying the simple joys in life,
and usually they’re connected to our senses. This subtle awareness
creates significant moments of happiness.
I discovered the pleasures I receive in the:
- Warmth of a teacup in my hands on a cold winter day
- Taste of a square of dark chocolate melting on my tongue
- Dance music in my cycle class that wakes me up
- Smile of a stranger on the street
- Aroma of my favorite essential oil and when people say, “You smell so good!”
Continue to mark pleasant sense experiences in your mind and carry them throughout your day to increase your spirits.
10. Don’t make your intimate relationships the end-all-be-all.
I used to think the person I was in a relationship with was there to
give me my happiness rather than increase it.
Happy people understand that those they are in relationship with are
an “addition to,” not a completion of them. They live full lives so that
at the end of the day they have
so much more to share.
A loving reminder: Don’t rely on your partners to shift your
moods, heal you, or fill your empty spaces. And remember it’s not your
responsibility to do that for your partner either.
Support is an important part of relationship. We’re there on the bad
days with compassion and a loving embrace. We’re there on the good days
to cheer.
But mostly, we rely on ourselves to give that to ourselves. We trust
that our partners can wrestle with their own demons. We offer space for
them to discover his or her happiness, while we focus on creating our
own.
What might you put your focus on to continue to increase your own happiness?
Read More:
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-things-happy-people-do-to-stay-happy/
